Week 3/18/13

 This week I thought a lot about work and what I want my family to be doing in regards to work. For one thing, once I have kids I realize that the husband can and should be the main source of income for the family. It is a hard concept for me to grasp (being someone who has worked since a young age) to let somebody else provide for me; however, I realize that motherhood is an important and full time job that needs proper attention. Still, women feel accomplished when they can work. As far as work between the spouses goes; it is important for couples to work together. Things like doing the dishes and cooking food together is a constructive activity because men communicate better when their hands are busy and they are doing mundane work. Women communicate better face to face looking someone in the eyes while men communicate better while doing mindless work. We discussed some things that we were going to do in regards to work after learning what we did in class this week and I’ll touch on a few key points that I plan to do. For one, find time for my husband to work with my kids. This keeps communication open between them as well as teaches my children how to work and that it is better to work hard when they are younger for a very modest income so they can survive in college and then appreciate their successes. Also, I will need to involve my kids alongside me when I work because it creates important bonding and teaches them how to do the chores and tasks that I have them do. I also want to work hard so that when I do spend time with my family, I can enjoy the time and not be too overburdened with work.

Week 3/11/13

This week we discussed some of the different aspects of communication and its importance within the family unit. In class, we described the way that communication is like a circuit – if there is any break in that circuit, the whole thing will be thrown off. So in other words, communication has to go both ways. Something that greatly influences the effectiveness of communication is self-disclosure. Self-disclosure enhances both satisfaction and the feeling of intimacy. The more a spouse engages in self-disclosure, the more that both partners are likely to be highly satisfied with the relationship and feel that their intimacy needs are being met. Sarcasm is a dangerous thing that interferes with language. Sarcasm is both deceiving and usually has negative undertones within, which is why it should be avoided while trying to communicate with one’s significant partner. It is a useful skill to learn power within communication. Power is the ability to get someone to think or feel or act in a way that he/she would not have done spontaneously. There are a few different types of power; they are: coercive, reward, legitimate, expert, referent, and information.  Each power is used to manipulate the conversation to do something that benefits the conversationalist with power. Coercive power is a way to avoid punishment by spouse, reward power is a way to obtain rewards from spouse, legitimate power is a way to make one’s spouse feel that you have a right to ask something and they in response have a duty to comply, expert power is when a spouse has special knowledge or expertise, referent power is the identification with, and admiration of, spouse and desire to please him or her; and information power is manipulating the conversation by persuasion by spouse that what the spouse wants is in their own best interests.

Week 3/4/13

This week's discussion was very interesting in family relations class. While talking about crises, the book specifically mentioned some tools that are effective for coping with crises that gives all those involved the best chances for growth and to learn. One of these things is to take responsibility for yourself and your family. This means not playing the victim game and then being proactive. Then it is important to affirm your own and your family’s worth. Crises are detrimental to people’s self-esteem – and that being the case, we have to remind ourselves that we are worth changing the situation, we are worth making an effort to do better, and we are worth standing up for. Also, balance self-concern with other-concern. Just because we take responsibility for our own well-being doesn’t mean that we need to ignore the well-being of others. It is just as destructive to be self-focused as it is to be other-focused. Learn the art of reframing. Reframing means to redefine or to change our perspective on the situation. Instead of seeing something as troublesome and a burden, look at it in a way that can best benefit everyone. Finally, find and use available resources. Find encouragement and support from sources such as family, friends, religion, etc. This helped me especially this week as I was having a bit of a crisis with a fellow roommate. My roommate, Rose, doesn’t like my boyfriend and has made this clear to me through word and deed. It has been particularly hard to deal with her snide remarks that she makes to my boyfriend (whom I care for deeply and may possibly marry). I have spoken to him and made it clear that he wasn’t to talk to her and that if she said anything she would have to go out of her way. She is just forward enough that she had no problem going out of her way to do just that. I first recognized that I was feeling excessive anger towards her. I was fine to handle her in person and keep calm, but after the fact I grew more and more angry. So I pondered on what to do and how I could possibly help her to grow and still keep the peace and learn myself. I decided to talk to her. Ignoring her wasn’t working as she persisted upon insulting my boyfriend (not to mention it was when I left the room), so I expressed to her my feelings of injustice. We give full respect to her and her fiancé and I requested for the same treatment. After a discussion, I felt better and the problem is now resolved. It was important to not see myself as a victim though and to stop sulking in silence but to go and take action to fix the problem.

Week 2/25/13

Something that is so important yet so sacred is the topic of intimacy. First of all, it should ONLY be between a husband and wife. This is so vitally important to realize because it is God’s commandment. There is a reason why God views sexuality as being so sacred though. It is because God is literally giving us the power to create life – powers that only God has. When we procreate, we become one with God. Besides intercourse being a physical and emotional attachment, it is a spiritual attachment. When one defiles something that is meant to be so good and wonderful (at the right time and place), it is a sin comparable to murder in Heavenly Father’s eyes. In marital intimacy, it is important to understand that intimacy should not just be on a physical level. Also, if there is anything demoralizing, demeaning, or something that degrades one partner – it should not be done. Complete loyalty to one’s partner is essential and an easy thing to do when we are aware of things to watch out for. Infidelity is another great sin, especially for members of the LDS church because we make sacred covenants with Heavenly Father in the temple. When these covenants are broken, we have committed terrible sin. Something to consider is that “the grass is always greener on the side of the fence you water.” In other words, when we entertain thoughts of other people or immoral material, those options will constantly be in our minds and be a temptation for us.

Week 2/18/13

Family relationships are interesting and ever changing depending on circumstances and different people. That’s part of the reason why there are so many problems that arise between newlyweds. Different issues that arise between newlywed couples include adjustments to in-laws, different daily routines, finance issues, different gender roles, birth control decisions, boundaries between family members, and countless others. I appreciate discovering some of these things now while I am dating because I can watch out for them as I look for a spouse. Any two different people are going to have differences so what is key is finding someone who I share enough similarities with and someone who can coexist and is then willing to intertwine customs with me.
Something that has especially been on my mind is the problems that arise when children come into the picture. The trend associated with married couples’ relationships is that they suffer with children – each child added to the family brings more difficulty and stress upon their marriage. Once the children begin to leave the nest they reach ultimate happiness again and there are some things that can be done to avoid these “baby blues”.
A few things stuck out to me in particular as I participated today in class discussion. Number one, a couple has to maintain communication. Communication is key to a successful relationship; but more importantly positive communication. Even when a couple disagrees, it is always important to recognize ideas and different perspectives and to appreciate them. Care about what the other person has to say. Also, it is essential to be considerate. These may seem like simple things to consider but these are the concepts that are so often overlooked. When any challenges come about, realize that each partner may be struggling and that being a wife/husband/mother/father is hard work. One of the biggest points though – is to make sure that you do not portray your children as a burden. When a husband comes home from work, he shouldn’t hear “Ok, here ya go! Now it’s your turn!” No, he should be able to have the opportunity to enjoy his wonderful children. This is a concept that I need to apply to my every-day life. For instance when serving in a leadership position, it is easy to see others as a problem rather than as people. This is something to be avoided. I need to realize that each son/daughter of our Heavenly Father is just that – a blessed son or daughter who are unique and serve a special purpose with his/her own unique talents and qualities.

Week 2/11/13

This week in family relations class, we talked about some of the important things to know in dating. This is the process that is so often looked past in today's world that needs to be addressed. People today just don't date. I learned a couple of things that I didn't necessarily agree with before. For instance, the question was brought up about the first date. If I don't see things going anywhere with a young man should I decline the date? I was surprised to find that most people disagreed with me that it is alright to say no. Instead, it is fine to realize that I need to practice getting to know a variety of people as well as learn how to interact with different people. There shouldn't be so much weight put into the first date. First dates are meant to be fun and relaxed - just a good time. If you cannot necessarily "see yourself marrying that person" don't say no - you never know if you're misjudging them and it's an opportunity to get out and date a variety of people. I'm trying to adopt this kind of attitude, which is not far from my own, but at the same time if I said yes to every guy who asked me on a date I might be having more long Friday (date night) nights than I would like, so good judgement is needed in that process as well. Also, once a couple begins courting, that doesn't mean that dating should stop. Courting means that people are just seeing one another exclusively and if that is the case, they still need to date and continue to get to know one another. Also, we do not get to know people just in three months, in fact, that is when we barely start to see the real people who have begun to let their "pretty face" come off. It is so crucial to date someone and get to know them a bit more thoroughly before we decide to become engaged to them.

Week February 4th Blog

After this week I decided that my family is quite unique and the women have taken the role of men – but we can still refine ourselves and be ladies. I grew up the youngest in a family of seven children where six of us are girls and only one is a boy. The only reason why I think we have a few more manly attributes is because every single one of us has been raised on my Dad’s farm/ranch. My dad has started each of us out young working hard to help him on the farm/ranch and consequently working like men. My brother never had issues with being feminine, we girls all have had a little bit of a Tom Boy streak in us. I personally wouldn’t have any problem going out and making the income for my future family because I enjoy labor (that’s just the way I’ve been raised). However, my parents also taught the importance motherhood and how it is our divine calling to be mothers and wives. It was just interesting in our discussion to realize that I myself am a very odd girl as far as gender roles go. My roommates and friends have even told me this, but I actually quite often enjoy being alone (a man-like quality), I am extremely competitive (another man-like quality), I can be very aggressive (another), and over all I am a bit of a mix. Even though I enjoy these things, I am sensitive and very aware of social situations, I love to notice people’s feelings and be aware of emotions, and by taking notice and thinking of myself I know that I am in fact proving the “woman” thing to do. And when we were talking about how women coddle to the children after they fall down, I am planning on raising my kids to be tough. I want my girls to think that when they fall down they’re fine. I appreciate the way I’ve been raised because I can still be a lady (which all the women in my family do so beautifully – like an art), but I am also independent and strong like a man. I hope to somehow pass these things on to my children as well.