Week 4/1/13

This week we discussed divorce which fortunately enough for me, has not played a huge role in my immediate family. Divorce has many factors that go beyond what the eye can see.  For instance, there are several separations that surpass just the legal documents. Besides the legal divorce, there is an emotional separation that has to occur. This is one of the hardest separations that occur because two people who have shared with one another their intimacies and deep secrets are forced to cut those ties and move on. Generally what happens is that they will move on physically (i.e. move towns or states away), but the emotional separation is a much more drawn out and painful process. There also has to be an economic separation which could be difficult because two people who have shared an income and a household now have to divide and become independent once again. If there are children involved, the father could be extremely stressed financially because he would have to be providing for two households (which could also make things difficult for him if he decides to remarry). There is also the riddle of the children. One parent can become isolated due to clashing schedules between the spouse and in the children’s lives. Communal separation is another tough aspect because all those around a divorced couple are affected as well. The in-laws, the friends, and even pets have a sense of loyalty to one spouse or the other because if they were to show any sort of affection to the opposing party, it would seem like betrayal. I’ve noticed that many of these aspects echo the truths of relationships within a dating life as well. When a boyfriend and I ended on bad terms, he wanted to come visit my apartment to see the roommates and (as much as I tried not to feel this way) there was a part of me that felt betrayed because my roommates were still talking to him and enjoyed his company. It was interesting to find that men tend to remarry sooner – this may be because men feel lonely without their children, or that it is harder for women to break ties emotionally, etc. Also, women are about 70 percent more likely to request and file for a divorce. The most important concept that I learned this week was that, you can get a divorce, but you can never get unmarried. In other words, a divorce will put some separations and gaps between two people, but there will always be the effects and the mark that one individual has left on the other after sharing such intimacy and sacredness.